Backwards Walk
by Heart of Summer
Summary: A one-shot of the feelings Mulan and Aurora experience during them getting to know each other and Mulan leaving to join Robin Hood's band. I cried my eyes out. Wow.


_A/N: I just watched the episode. wow. But oh, my poor shipper heart. I don't dare to hope, but I want to believe there will be more to this... Listened to this version of the song when I wrote the story, so you could listen to it if you would like to, while reading.(add a com after youtube and also add a dash after that!)_

_ www . youtube watch?v=KaqLh_VXi5c_

* * *

_I'm working on my backwards walk  
Walking with no shoes or socks  
And the time rewinds to the end of May  
I wish we'd never met then met today_

_.  
_  
The fire had long since turned to burning embers. Mulan had offered to take the first watch together with Robin himself. She'd believed he didn't trust her just yet but he had soon after fallen asleep against a tree on the other side of the fire, facing the forest, snoring quite loudly. Maybe he was pretending, giving her some space. She appreciated it, whichever way it was.  
Mulan wondered if he'd seen it in her. If he'd known from just watching her that she had no chance. If he'd somehow smelled her longing after another woman on her breath or on her clothes. She felt like that herself – like she radiated the love she tried to hide behind her thick armor.

"A loved one?"  
"We shall see."

It had all started with a simple impression. She had liked Philip immediately. They'd been introduced and hit it off at once; talking over drinks. She'd even found him attractive and him her, he'd told her one drunken night. But she'd known all along that if she'd let something happen she would forever have been the consolation price. When the prince had talked about Aurora it was as if the rest of the world disappeared. He had loved her from the first moment he had laid eyes on her. There was no doubt in Mulan's mind that he loved her. But still Mulan kept thinking that this kind of love was not possible to last. He was in love with the picture of a beautiful princess, hardly even knowing her. Somewhere inside of her, despite all of her traditionally forced beliefs, she had heard of true love; she knew true love. It was rare and beautiful, and most importantly, develop over time. Some good things happen fast, but they never last for long. But she knew that beautiful things, steady things, they grew. Like trees, getting steadier each year that pass and blooming over and over. She agreed to be a friend to Philip and to assist him in the search for his one true love.

The time stopped and the two spent their paused time in a village of others who had been left in the Magic Kingdom. Years passed without them aging or getting anywhere. And then suddenly one day it all started moving again and the female warrior and the prince found the person they had been searching for during all those years stuck in time. Aurora.

_._

_I'm working on my faults and cracks__  
Filling in the blanks and gaps  
And when I write them out they don't make sense  
I need you to pencil in the rest  
_

.

The first time Mulan saw Aurora she was mesmerized by her beauty.

It made her heart sing at the sight of such a creation but she also felt taken aback and vulnerable. Philip ran ahead and clamped his mouth on her the first chance he got. And suddenly, with the true loves' kiss he had been rambling on about, the curse was broken. The beautiful woman with the long, honey streaked hair and pink dress was breathing like she'd never stopped. And so Mulan found an even more horrible truth; her voice was even more wonderful than her appearance. When the prince and the princess rightfully locked lips Mulan's heart skipped a beat and she turned her head away. She caught herself thinking; this is wrong.

Mulan was very skeptical of Aurora's presence. Her friend Philip turned into someone else entirely. Aurora turned out to be slightly jealous and put herself above Mulan. Her beauty made the female warrior slightly ruder than she needed to be, feeling like she had to protect herself from the beauty of the princess.

But the way Aurora could hold her ground only made Mulan, despite her better judgment, like her more. In the woods, looking for their lost prince that first night, Aurora had pointed out something Mulan had not yet figured out herself.

"…I know love when I see it."

Oh, how right Aurora had been and still so wrong. Mulan had loved Philip like a brother and had been attracted to him, but now Mulan knew the love that Aurora had seen in her eyes had been a budding flower that had yet to bloom.

Loosing their prince had been a hard toll on both of them. Philip had managed to make Mulan promise to stay with his princess and protect her. The warrior knew that now that he was gone it was her mission to make sure the princess was taken care of.

_._

_I'm working on drawing a straight line  
And I'll draw until I get one right  
It's bold and dark, girl, can't you see?  
I done drawn a line between you and me_

.

And being thrown into the company of Emma and Snow White had not helped the situation.

Those two had brought danger upon them time and time again. Aurora had showed her revengeful side but after almost killing Snow and being saved by Mulan's protectiveness; she had also shown her kindness and enormous compassion for others. The princess had started trusting her warrior more and more and it could be felt in each look, each word, each touch…

Mulan felt an unexplainable pain in her chest each time a touch was lingering or a look from the princess stayed on her for too long. She started to forget about the promise she had made and used it only to make excuses for protecting Aurora. The truth was much more frightening.

No matter what they faced she always put Aurora's safety first. She watched over Aurora as she tried to sleep wrapped up in the claws of her nightmares. She studied her so closely that she knew exactly when she was cold, secretly amused or having a bad day. The burns were what scared her the most. In Aurora's dreams Mulan could not join and this made her frustrated.

It was when Aurora was kidnapped that she stole the compass to save her life. That was when she made a choice which was based on a craving to always be beside the princess. And it was the moment when she was holding Aurora's heart in her hands and she could feel its very pulse against her shivering fingertips that she realized that she was doing this for herself now. She had let go of Philip's memory and moved on. The pure heart was pumping blood even though it was outside of Aurora's body and Mulan was unsure of what she needed to do to put it back. Was it only possible for someone who used black magic to steal and return people's hearts? Surely not anybody could but it back. But then she realized there is only one kind of magic in this world stronger than anything else… True love.

Aurora gasped as her heart was returned to her chest and she grabbed Mulan. They looked at each other and smiled and laughed with relief. The warrior felt her heart leap as Aurora held her gaze so closely and she could feel the princess' heart racing against her hand where it was still placed on her arm. Then she heard his name. There was still a chance of saving him. And Aurora's eyes flickered with sparks and she knew she had no choice in the matter. She would try to get her friend back and protect her princess all along the way.

It was during this journey that Mulan fell truly and deeply in love with Aurora. It could not be stopped once she was aware of her feelings. They knocked the wind out of her whenever they could, and touching turned to hugging and sleeping in each other's arms. But still Mulan never did a thing to jeopardize the friendship she had with the princess. She told herself she could not take the risk of betraying Philip if he still had a chance of survival and being with his one true love.

But she did question the laws of having only one true love over and over again. Because her heart knew that there was no one else. And when she looked into Aurora's eyes she thought she saw her own feeling reflected. But still she yearned for her prince to return, never giving up hope. And sure enough, one day they had faced all the challenges and the prince was once again before them.

_._

_I'm working on erasing you  
I just don't have the proper tools  
I get hammered, forget that you exist  
There's no way I'm forgetting this_

.

After Philips return Mulan took a step back from being an extension of the princess' body and went back to being a trusted guard. She could turn around in her own despair and find Aurora's eyes longing for her but she did not understand the meaning of that longing. She was told that Aurora's nightmares had returned a little. If she had not heard it she still would've known since each hour of lost sleep would gather like grey soot under her eyes.

Every day with Philip was a joy and Philip praised the friendship that had blossomed between his two ladies. Mulan was given a room in the castle and spent all of her time at the couple's side. But for Mulan every night spent apart from Aurora was a little shard of her heart falling away. She knew that she could never be complete without Aurora knowing about her feelings but she was so scared to be rejected. She somehow knew she would not survive it.

When Robin offered her a place she knew she had but one choice. She could give herself a chance to be happy; to dare to believe in that mystical true love that people talked about. She knew that Aurora was her person – she just knew, somehow. Her one shot at happiness.

Or she could choose to be content with her life doing what she was good at, not disturbing what the couple had. Fighting for a greater cause. So she decided that if Aurora did not return these ocean wide feelings, she would join the band of heroes and bandits and swear never to see the couple ever again.

She stood on the edge for a long time, just watching her move around, mumbling sweet nothings to nourish the plants in her garden. She was so beautiful with her long, curly hair and kind eyes. When she noticed Mulan watching her she approached; showing with her whole being that she had missed her. They joined hands and she could feel Aurora's tight grip on her – like she never wanted to let her go.

Mulan knew that this was the time, and she took a shaky breath. But Aurora's radiating smile made her heart bang so hard in her chest it had to be bruising her ribcage.

"Why are you smiling at me?"

And then all chances of her happiness vanished just like that. Mulan had missed her chance and would never know how Aurora really felt. But she told herself that it had all been a delusion. Aurora could never feel that way about anyone but Philip, especially not a woman and obviously not about Mulan.

A baby. An revelation that should be a moment filled with joy. Her heart shattered into pieces and she knew that all of them would be impossible to recover. Aurora embraced her and she inhaled that smell of lavender, roses and burnt sugar almonds, the one she had become addicted to over the last few months. She was frozen in time again, and she felt like this moment of pain would never pass, never numb. It would live on in her memory forever more.

"I'm joining Robin Hood's band."

"What…? You're leaving us?"

Now Mulan leaned her head back and stared up at the stars. The pain was still as raw as before, and she felt slightly nauseated. But she believed it was just as well. Aurora would forget about her soon and she and Philip would be left to raise a baby that she would make sure never to meet. She wished they had never met that time with Philip and instead had met today. Then she would have been spared all of this useless hope and all of the pain.

But she could still remember the look in Aurora's eyes… and as she closed her own now, breathing in the cold night air that smelled of firewood, earth and wet leaves, she could still feel the pain in them. She opened her eyes again and looked at the moon hiding behind the darkened branches; wringing as if in pain towards the sky. This was her life now and no matter what she did, she would never be able to make Aurora love her.

_._

_I been working on my backwards walk  
There's nowhere else for me to go  
Except back to you just one last time  
Say yes before I change my mind_

.

Aurora watched her warrior walk away from her.

She felt as if with each step her heart was being torn into shreds. Lately she had been so sad about not having Mulan to herself. When she'd tried to explain this to Philip he had dismissed it. She was so happy about the child, really. But the first one she'd wanted to tell, before anyone else, was her best friend. Philip did not yet know. And even though Mulan hid it after half a second, she'd had time to read the devastated expression on her friend's face, the sorrow in her eyes. She could feel it as she hugged her. She had been shivering.

With every step away from her, Aurora felt like the ground was pulling her down another inch. She kept staring after Mulan like she was the last thing to cling on in this lonely world of terror.

The tears started spilling long after Mulan had gone. Aurora was still rooted to the spot, questioning herself. How could her feelings of joy over the baby have turned into such despair? She sunk to the ground, her whole body caught in an earthquake like no other. She was crying tears that she imagined would bruise the floor when dripping onto it. Only one person could have consoled her in this state. She gasped for air.

It was like she was no longer in the breathing world.

_._

_Say yes before I change my mind…_


End file.
